I have a crush. I know, very high school right? But I can't help it. You know those butterflies I mentioned earlier that I didn't know existed? He makes them flutter. He's so not my type: he smokes, career goals are fuzzy at this point, and he enjoys libations more than some. But I can't help it, to me he's the bees knees.
I don't see him often, so when I don't, I don't think about him. But when I do see him, sparks. And the sparks tend to last weeks after the last siting. As time goes on (I've had this crush since September. Pathetic, I know), the longer the sparks fly. When he looks at me there's something there. For both of us, I think, but its hard to tell. We like being around each other, but I don't want to be his friend. A friend told me once that men aren't friends with women, and in this case I hope its true!
My problem is when I have a crush my strategy is to pine away and admire from a far. Not smart. I need a plan of action, but the thought is paralyzing. Not to mention the fact that I turn into mush over a dumb boy is maddening! All these things keep me from pursuing what could be quality time spent with someone I enjoy.
Eek! What would you do?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Butterflies, do they exist?
My friend whom I love dearly mentioned to me that she was always excited when I had a first date. She said she loved the butterflies of the first date. And I had to to hark back... when was the last time I felt butterflies?
Its been a long fucking time. Hell, I'm not sure if they even exist anymore. Do they when you're my age? I sure hope so. The anticipation of seeing the smile on his face when he sees me, the opportunities he takes to touch me in one way or another, and the fire that ensues in me. I've felt that less than 5 times in the past 5 years. No joke! No one has lit my fire. In fact, most have bored me to death. Seriously.
Why is that? Surely the extraordinary man still exists, but I can't seem to find him. The one that makes my heart pitter patter, who makes pieces of me tingle at the idea of being close to him. I hope I haven't gotten to the point where no one does that to me, because that would make dating a total blower. The anticipation, the longing, the wanting. That's what's so great about getting to know someone new. In 2009, I had one relationship, a lot mediocore dates, and 1.5 butterfly sitings. Not a good ratio.
If I had one wish for 2010 (selffish wish, not world peace and health for me and my friends- that's a given), it would be for someone to blow me away. To help me renew (or find, if I can be candid) my faith in love. And yes, stir my butterfly pot. Cuz right now, the only thing I'm seeing are annoying, pesky, gnats.
Gnats are gnot for me. Yuck yuck yuck.
Its been a long fucking time. Hell, I'm not sure if they even exist anymore. Do they when you're my age? I sure hope so. The anticipation of seeing the smile on his face when he sees me, the opportunities he takes to touch me in one way or another, and the fire that ensues in me. I've felt that less than 5 times in the past 5 years. No joke! No one has lit my fire. In fact, most have bored me to death. Seriously.
Why is that? Surely the extraordinary man still exists, but I can't seem to find him. The one that makes my heart pitter patter, who makes pieces of me tingle at the idea of being close to him. I hope I haven't gotten to the point where no one does that to me, because that would make dating a total blower. The anticipation, the longing, the wanting. That's what's so great about getting to know someone new. In 2009, I had one relationship, a lot mediocore dates, and 1.5 butterfly sitings. Not a good ratio.
If I had one wish for 2010 (selffish wish, not world peace and health for me and my friends- that's a given), it would be for someone to blow me away. To help me renew (or find, if I can be candid) my faith in love. And yes, stir my butterfly pot. Cuz right now, the only thing I'm seeing are annoying, pesky, gnats.
Gnats are gnot for me. Yuck yuck yuck.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Troll #11 Diner
I wasn't going to put him in this category- I wasn't! He had a lot of redeeming qualities, and we had a lot in common. But the more I thought about this date, the more I realized it was worth making public. Sorry troll.
I was not intending on meeting anyone. My friend and I were trolling on craigslist, laughing at the pervs and other weirdos. When I clicked on his add he had a panda bear with a monicle and Dave Chappelle as Prince (no pic of himself). I couldn't resist. I mentioned something about the photo and kept it moving. Well he responded back, we exchanged niceties and eventually continued to trade emails back and forth. He could put together sentences, was pretty funny, who knew?
After we began talking on the phone I discovered we had a lot in common. It was great. We would talk for hours. And I'm big on a good conversation. It says a lot. So we decide to meet.
Those who know me know I am big on conversation. I am also big on a man, well, being a man. So when a man asks me out, I expect him to make a plan, and make it do what its supposed to do. 45 minutes later, he could only come up with a city. Christ. Fine, we agree to meet at said location.
Said location? Target. Where? Some shitty strip mall. Dinner? No fucking clue. He knew nothing about the mall, nothing that was in there, only that it was the geographical midpoint between he and I. So I decide to pull out my phone to find a locale where we could eat. As I am scrolling through my phone he says, 'there's a silver diner in the parking lot'. A diner? A FUCKING DINER? You have to be kidding me right? Nope, he sure wasn't.
Do men not even BOTHER to make an effort anymore? A diner is a place you go when you're hung over, you're drunk, or you're two years into your relationship and you get up and don't feel like making breakfast. It's not a first date, or a 50th date for that matter. It was bad enough that he showed up in a Santa hat, and he also sang at the table. I'm not making this up.
No, we haven't seen each other since. Ho Ho Ho.
I was not intending on meeting anyone. My friend and I were trolling on craigslist, laughing at the pervs and other weirdos. When I clicked on his add he had a panda bear with a monicle and Dave Chappelle as Prince (no pic of himself). I couldn't resist. I mentioned something about the photo and kept it moving. Well he responded back, we exchanged niceties and eventually continued to trade emails back and forth. He could put together sentences, was pretty funny, who knew?
After we began talking on the phone I discovered we had a lot in common. It was great. We would talk for hours. And I'm big on a good conversation. It says a lot. So we decide to meet.
Those who know me know I am big on conversation. I am also big on a man, well, being a man. So when a man asks me out, I expect him to make a plan, and make it do what its supposed to do. 45 minutes later, he could only come up with a city. Christ. Fine, we agree to meet at said location.
Said location? Target. Where? Some shitty strip mall. Dinner? No fucking clue. He knew nothing about the mall, nothing that was in there, only that it was the geographical midpoint between he and I. So I decide to pull out my phone to find a locale where we could eat. As I am scrolling through my phone he says, 'there's a silver diner in the parking lot'. A diner? A FUCKING DINER? You have to be kidding me right? Nope, he sure wasn't.
Do men not even BOTHER to make an effort anymore? A diner is a place you go when you're hung over, you're drunk, or you're two years into your relationship and you get up and don't feel like making breakfast. It's not a first date, or a 50th date for that matter. It was bad enough that he showed up in a Santa hat, and he also sang at the table. I'm not making this up.
No, we haven't seen each other since. Ho Ho Ho.
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