Butterflies, do they exist?

My friend whom I love dearly mentioned to me that she was always excited when I had a first date. She said she loved the butterflies of the first date. And I had to to hark back... when was the last time I felt butterflies?

Its been a long fucking time. Hell, I'm not sure if they even exist anymore. Do they when you're my age? I sure hope so. The anticipation of seeing the smile on his face when he sees me, the opportunities he takes to touch me in one way or another, and the fire that ensues in me. I've felt that less than 5 times in the past 5 years. No joke! No one has lit my fire. In fact, most have bored me to death. Seriously.

Why is that? Surely the extraordinary man still exists, but I can't seem to find him. The one that makes my heart pitter patter, who makes pieces of me tingle at the idea of being close to him. I hope I haven't gotten to the point where no one does that to me, because that would make dating a total blower. The anticipation, the longing, the wanting. That's what's so great about getting to know someone new. In 2009, I had one relationship, a lot mediocore dates, and 1.5 butterfly sitings. Not a good ratio.

If I had one wish for 2010 (selffish wish, not world peace and health for me and my friends- that's a given), it would be for someone to blow me away. To help me renew (or find, if I can be candid) my faith in love. And yes, stir my butterfly pot. Cuz right now, the only thing I'm seeing are annoying, pesky, gnats.

Gnats are gnot for me. Yuck yuck yuck.