What the fuck. I am mad by George! I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and we were discussing a mutual friends' situation with some dude. The skinny of it is that they had a date and he had a senior moment and forgot. So rather than try to make it up to her by offering to try again, he came at her (via text, that's how trolls communicate) with the 'do you still have an attitude' route. Why are women the ones blamed for mens' fucked up ways?
Recently there's been some hub bub about Lori Gottlieb's new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Right. The gist of this book puts the blame on women for our unreasonable standards that we are imposing on men' according to the book, our vision of the perfect man doesn't match reality. Show of hands, who has a list of unrealistic expectations that they refuse compromise on? I'll wait. Oh no one? That's right.
Women do want it all. Many of us want the fairy tale. Personally, my fairy tale involves a hot boy who owns summer house in Tuscany. But you know, just like women are not the emotional basket case men make us out to be, we are also not delusional. We know the difference between fantasy and reality. And while I would very much like to marry Robert Downey Jr., I'm not going to pass up a man because he's not him. Or doesn't have his bank account. Do you know how many times I've seen women passed up by men because they don't look like fuckin barbie? Never mind if they are smart, goal oriented, good family background, etc. Barbie doesn't exist. Yet are they being targeted in books for being too unrealistic?
Men can be dicks. Most don't want to grow up. And many have forgotten what it means to be a man. THAT'S why we're single. We're not single because we're holding out for the idea of Prince Charming from a Disney movie. I want MY prince charming, the man who makes me laugh, who can appreciate laying in bed late on the weekends, who's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but who's just perfect for me.
By the way, should Robert Downey Jr. (or his doppleganger) come across this blog, call me.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The Least Desired
Ok, those of you who know me know that my life is all about politics. And while this blog is not political at all, I feel the need to dip my toe in the political pool just a little. I promise I will be gentle.
As my friend and I were chatting about my encounter with the matchmaker, she mentioned to me a recent article she came across. The article said that in the world of online dating, black women are the least desired according to a user poll. Interesting. Being a black woman, apparently I'm screwed. Well, technically I'm not, and that's what the problem is.
What makes black women the least desired? Could it be our strength? Our beauty? Our beautiful skin or our luscious bodies? I don't want to toot the collective black horn, but that sounds pretty good to me. Unfortunately, I think its our attitude, our big asses, our employment status (obviously unemployed), our many babies. Wait, what, you mean those are stereotypes? Fuck yes they are and these are only some of the reasons why black women are at the bottom of the dating barrel.
You know what makes this even more fucked up? Is that black men don't even want us anymore. And that is coming strictly from a self loathing of our culture, the fact that light/white is right in society and therefore more desired.
I'm not closed to the idea of dating someone outside of my race, but I am most attracted to black men. How does that work if they don't want me (or us)- or that no race wants me (or us)?
There's no way I can resolve this. It's beyond my expertise, and definitely beyond my comprehension (although being black for the past 35 years I've dealt with this in EVERY arena of my life, not just dating). But it was on my mind and I felt the need to let it out.
Stepping off my virtual soap box now.
As my friend and I were chatting about my encounter with the matchmaker, she mentioned to me a recent article she came across. The article said that in the world of online dating, black women are the least desired according to a user poll. Interesting. Being a black woman, apparently I'm screwed. Well, technically I'm not, and that's what the problem is.
What makes black women the least desired? Could it be our strength? Our beauty? Our beautiful skin or our luscious bodies? I don't want to toot the collective black horn, but that sounds pretty good to me. Unfortunately, I think its our attitude, our big asses, our employment status (obviously unemployed), our many babies. Wait, what, you mean those are stereotypes? Fuck yes they are and these are only some of the reasons why black women are at the bottom of the dating barrel.
You know what makes this even more fucked up? Is that black men don't even want us anymore. And that is coming strictly from a self loathing of our culture, the fact that light/white is right in society and therefore more desired.
I'm not closed to the idea of dating someone outside of my race, but I am most attracted to black men. How does that work if they don't want me (or us)- or that no race wants me (or us)?
There's no way I can resolve this. It's beyond my expertise, and definitely beyond my comprehension (although being black for the past 35 years I've dealt with this in EVERY arena of my life, not just dating). But it was on my mind and I felt the need to let it out.
Stepping off my virtual soap box now.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Matchmaker Matchmaker Make me a...
I recently reached out to a matchmaker. Its a very old fashioned concept I know, but I'm moving closer to joining the order so I thought I would look into it. As it turns out, I'm a leper.
As she's interviewing me she says, 'now I'm going to have to give you some tough love here (yes, it turns out this matchmaker is the same one from VH1's tv show), your 35 and your single. You're not doing something right'. It MUST be me right? It surely couldn't be that men are shallow, immature, emotionally unavailable, directionless, cheating trolls could it? Of course not, when it doubt blame the woman. I can't speak for women everywhere, but hearing her say that reminded me of how women are never good enough. According to the rules of society, if we are not blonde, blue-eyed, and a size 4, we're ugly. If we're not in the home making babies, making casseroles and cleaning dishes, we're man hating lesbians. And if we're single, old and un-married there is something wrong with us. What a fucked up way to live.
Don't get me wrong, I think something is out of place. And as you can see from the many entrees of this blog, I have a knack for picking the wrong men. But I didn't say, 'hey, this guy looks like a prick, I think I'll give him my number!'. I'm finding men with similar interests- or so they say- and taking a chance, only to be disappointed. It was funny for a while but now its getting to be fucking irritating.
I know there are things I could do better. I could get out more, I could flirt more, I could be less guarded and more open. Some would probably say I could shed a few pounds because fat girls have less options. But I know that I'm not the problem. The problem is that men need to grow up. They want to be Peter Pan forever. And frankly, I won't date a man in green tights.
As she's interviewing me she says, 'now I'm going to have to give you some tough love here (yes, it turns out this matchmaker is the same one from VH1's tv show), your 35 and your single. You're not doing something right'. It MUST be me right? It surely couldn't be that men are shallow, immature, emotionally unavailable, directionless, cheating trolls could it? Of course not, when it doubt blame the woman. I can't speak for women everywhere, but hearing her say that reminded me of how women are never good enough. According to the rules of society, if we are not blonde, blue-eyed, and a size 4, we're ugly. If we're not in the home making babies, making casseroles and cleaning dishes, we're man hating lesbians. And if we're single, old and un-married there is something wrong with us. What a fucked up way to live.
Don't get me wrong, I think something is out of place. And as you can see from the many entrees of this blog, I have a knack for picking the wrong men. But I didn't say, 'hey, this guy looks like a prick, I think I'll give him my number!'. I'm finding men with similar interests- or so they say- and taking a chance, only to be disappointed. It was funny for a while but now its getting to be fucking irritating.
I know there are things I could do better. I could get out more, I could flirt more, I could be less guarded and more open. Some would probably say I could shed a few pounds because fat girls have less options. But I know that I'm not the problem. The problem is that men need to grow up. They want to be Peter Pan forever. And frankly, I won't date a man in green tights.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
