Every now and then (like, every day) I am reminded that I am 35. The lines in my face, the aching bones. Suddenly I've landed in my mid-thirties. Halfway to retirement! Able to run for president! These are significant milestones. In spite of these milestones, I can accept it with some level of grace. But one thing continues to elude me, and I'm not sure if I will ever find it.
Love.
I see so many people I know younger than me, happy, with families, living a beautiful dream. I will admit it to the world, I am jealous. Not in a, i-hate-you-and-wish-you-ill kind of way, but in a how-has-this-managed-to-elude-me-all-this-time kind of way. I was never the one to dream of being married growing up. Well, sometimes I would have visions of designing the perfectly coordinated event, but I wasn't thinking about me being in the white dress. Perhaps that is where I missed the mark? I wouldn't give up focusing on school and my career for anything in the world. And its not like anyone was knocking down my door at that time and I turned them away. But now here I am, damn near middle age, and I am unmarried with zero prospects, no children.
I am alone.
What does it take to find Mr. Right these days? I know because I am of the 'fluffy' variety most men don't want me. Everyone has preferences. Just like I don't want to date self-centered pricks, uneducated men, dead beats or cheaters, some men don't want to date fat girls. I can live with that. And while this blog is highly entertaining (for me at least), I am puzzled by my inability to meet a man who can appreciate who I am and what I have to give. Maybe my window of opportunity has passed me by; perhaps there simply are no decent men left.
Can this be true?
I don't want to miss out on the chance to love, to fight, to make up, to make babies, to feel butterflies- to be happy in love with someone who loves me. But for the life of me I can't figure out what the secret to this success is.
Have you?
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