It's a New Day

I'm sure its written somewhere that eventually, everyone shows their ass. It was definitely true with MMC. For weeks now, MMC has been popping in and out via IM with various small talk bull shit and little innuendos. And for weeks I have been asking him what he wants from me, because prior to his silly IM communications he told me things were moving too fast and he wanted to be friends. So, for your consideration, here is the last of the communications between he & I (some of the convo isn't here-including him trying to see if he could see me in my costume-, but this is where it began to fall apart. IM names have been removed so that he won't get wind of this blog and want a piece of any future profits):

ME-you know ive asked you this a few times now, and you seem to keep avoiding the answer. what is it that you want from me? you pop in every few weeks and then disappear again. i dont get it.
HIM-well i had u on my mind, so decided to stop by and say hi. hope u have a great time tomorrow, be safe.....
ME-again with the non answer
ME- thats fine. im not going to be your internet buddy Mark. you keep popping in and out, you tell me these things which are just words. you can't answer me anything. and i dont know what any of this means. its hurtful to me that you keep playing games. i don't deserve it. when you know what you want and you know how to express it feel free to reach out. i know you won't respond as you usually do and that's fine. i can't force you to be honest with me.

So he waited until the next evening (yesterday) to reply with this (in bold, menacing font):
HIM- I receive your message, it was loud and clear. I sorry u feel that way. being friends is a big part of a relationship and if something serious would have come out of this, it is clear to me that u would only have your heart in it when the times are good. real relationships are two fold; part friendship and part lovers. I am disappointed in what i am finding in you, but all the same i wish you well. BYE!
ME- give me break mark. you're blaming me for this shit? you said you wanted to be friends and friends only. be a man. you didnt want a relationship, you made that clear. so don't pretend you wanted more because you sure have a funny way of showing it.

Perhaps I'm wrong. I would like to remind you, dear reader, that at no point did he ever say to me 'I want to try again', or 'I'm sorry for what I said/did', or 'Can we try again'. What the fuck am I supposed to take from these bullshit 'conversations'? They aren't conversations, this is not how one conducts a relationship. Damn near 38 years old, and he acts like any other man when they feel they are being rejected- like a total prick. He showed his ass for sure, because I knew when he broke up with me that he wasn't a man. A man does not walk away easily without making any effort. I knew it again when he continued to pop up via the internet with silly small talk, unable to articulate what it was he wanted and how he was going to take the steps to make that happened. And I knew he wasn't a man when he turned into a bitch hell bent on justifying his behavior, without ever defining it.

I was pissed, but only briefly. Actually, I feel liberated. There was a part of me that had hoped he would get it together, apologize, and get back on the road to a healthy relationship. But that was not so much out of wanting him, but rather not wanting to be alone. I have decided that I am no longer going to settle for less than amazing. I put up with his small talk convos far too long, and in turn I ended up holding out for something that was doomed from the start. I want to be happy in a healthy, loving relationship. And that takes time.

And I've decided I'm worth it.