A Hard Habit to Break

Why are things that are so bad for you make you feel so good? I was thinking about that this morning when I woke up. Ever since MMC and I parted ways, I've encountered some of the most ignorant, dull, one- dimensional men I've made in a long time. Or maybe they just seemed that way in comparison to him. Nothing is the same. I haven't connected to anyone like I connected to him, I haven't laughed or smiled like I did with him. As Seanad (sp?) once said, nothing compares to you (or him, as it were).

Frankly, it pisses me off. It's not fair. It's not fair because for some reason he wants to continue to go through life not sure what he wants but he keeps trying to pull me into his flip-flopping bullshit. When we last spoke he was man enough to tell me that he loved me via IM and then disappeared into the night. Fast forward two days later and he pops up again (via IM) asking me some stupid shit about ebay. Then he asked me what the best remedy for him because he doesn't feel well. The crown jewel of this 'converstion'? He asked me if I would make him something to help him feel better. 'From the kitchen of the best chef in MD' he says. I said the best chef in MD isn't making you shit because I don't know what we're doing. I told him that I'm not being friends with him and that he needs to figure out what he wants. Silence. So I was like 'peace' and two seconds later my phone rings. Nothing meaningful, just wanted to talk more ebay shit. Then he said, can I call you back' and yet again- like he did before we broke up- he went incognegro.

Why does he insist on fucking with me like that? What is the point of it? I deserve so much more, and I've decided I am no longer going to have a conversation with him via IM. I miss him, miss him very much. But I am not going to settle for bullshit any more, I've done it all my life when it comes to men.

Any advice from here on out he is going to be billed for, and until he can learn to have an adult conversation about his feelings and what he wants from me I am cutting it off....

Why is that so much easier said than done?