Troll #9 Twice

Our last 'president' tried to say this phrase once, but for the intelligent people of the world I will say it how its supposed to be said: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Of course, I thought that only happened to fools. Until I became one of them.

I met this troll about a year after I moved here. After settling into being in the area and moving to my own place, I decided I would stop being a homebody, take a chance and try my hand at online dating. And there he was. Tall, dark and handsome. Something about him took my breath away. So I reached out and to my surprise, he reached back. You know the story blah blah, we got to talking.

His voice was like velvet in my ears. I loved hearing him talk, his voice was so damn sexy! And I remember one night I had a dream of a man and woman in white, and it was us. Odd, because at that time marriage was not something I was entertaining with him or anyone. But there it was. We made plans to meet up, some place in Alexandria that was a non-chain. I appreciated that he made a choice, he was a take-charge kind of guy. The night approached, I looked delicious (as always) and I arrived a few min early and waited. And waited. And waited. A thousand things ran through my mind as I came to the realization that I was being stood up. He was in the back laughing with his friends. He walked in, took one look at me and bailed. Self esteem wasn't in high order back then. But what if he got into an accident? I just didn't know. I called several times, nothing. So after sitting there for a humiliating 1/2 hour, I bailed. And didn't hear from him again. Until a month later.

In fact, when he popped up via IM (why is that the preferred method of communication for trolls?), I had just come full circle of emotions from being blown off. What the fuck does this asshole want? Believer it or not, not to apologize. He had a gig he said, and couldn't make it. Bullshit. And I feel so confident he was whisked away, Jack Bauer style, forced to play in a band, without having access to a cell, a pay phone, a courier pidgeon- something- to say he wasn't coming. I had to push and push for him to admit he was wrong, and after all that the apology meant nothing. I hate to admit it, but we started talking again at some point. But something told me to be a little more cautious the second time around. And sure enough he didn't show. But thankfully, I knew he wouldn't show and made plans with someone else. No harm done. And after that we didn't talk.

But dating online is a lot like shopping at old navy. Eventually you are going to see your shirt on someone else. And I stumbled across his profile a year later. And he was just too fine to resist. And wouldn't you know it, we finally went out. We had a nice time, he was gentlemanly, attentive, all the things a man should be on a date. I'll be nice and not remark on his piece of shit car that he picked me up in, or his party shirt he was wearing, because despite that we had a nice time. And a nice first kiss that felt right, natural. We made plans for the following Friday for him to make me dinner. The day came and I called him to find out what the plan was and he mentions that he was going out with some friends for drinks. I was like, ok, so do you want to reschedule? And he kirked out. And then he fucking hung up on me. What the fudgesicle? What did I do wrong? You change plans mid-stream, and I am in the wrong? That, my friends, was strike 3.

He still peeks in at my profile, every few months or so. Regret? Possibly. Who can say. But rest assure that is one troll, that I will not EVER give another chance.