All the Single Ladies

I went to a friend of mine's wedding yesterday. She spared no expense, it was a very lovely affair. I haven't been to a lot of weddings; truth is, I don't know a lot of married people. This year I went to a gay wedding which was so precious and all told I've attended 5 weddings in my lifetime. When I arrived at the reception hall I found my name on a little card on a table and saw the number assigned to me- 8. Pretty good number, always been my favorite. But then a college girlfriend of mine was table 1. Huh. Weird that we weren't sitting together since we've known each other for years. At any rate after a cocktail reception in which I sucked down 3 glasses of pino noir we were finally seated. I looked around at my table and only noticed 3 familiar faces. Well by now you might have guessed, I was seating at the leper table, better known as the singles table. Fuck.

Is there a table more degrading other than the kids table than this? For Christ sake, why not make us sit and eat in the kitchen? Hell, our chances of meeting a potential mate might be greater. Thanks friend for the seat assignment. And of course all around the table was all vagina. Accomplished, smart vagina, but vagina nonetheless. Not one single guy in the room. Unless you count the children and I don't find adolescence attractive. Is this the protocol for weddings? At the gay wedding I was the only straight person in the room so it didn't seem to bother me. Although my lesbian neighbors kept asking me if I was sure I was straight. Ahem, yes. Just because I support gay marriage, gay men love me, I like Rehoboth beach and I am unexplicibly single does not make me gay. But I digress. Why are singles singled out like that? I mean, I had some very good conversation with some of these ladies so I wasn't miserable but why not categorize people in a less demeaning way? Is it because once someone gets married they can no longer relate to single people? Or is it that they think us single girls on the prowl are going to make a play for the guy with the wedding band the minute wifey steps away to refill her glass? Give me a break. In the other wedding I went to it was all of us good friends, some married, some not, some gay, some not, some old, some not. Doesn't this make more sense than putting us all together like if you touch us we'll instantly become pregnant and beg the first guy we see to marry us? Cripes.

The last humiliating single girl activity I did for the evening was be singled out once again for the ceremonial catch the bouquet. We all paraded out before the crowd of pitied eyes for the chance of perhaps catching our prince charming. I had a America's Funniest Videos flashback to the countless bridesmaids and guests who went flying face forward for the chance of catching the bouquet and I was determined to NOT be that bitch. Off it went- off and to the left, off, and to the left. And landed in the hands of a 7 foot glamazon who had it before it was even tossed. None of us wore our Jordans to the wedding so we couldn't match her height. Congratulations, we won't be inviting you back to our table next time around. So there!