After things ended initially with MMC, I thought the best thing for me to do was jump back in the game. I had a funny feeling after 3 days of no returned calls that something was awry, so I started looking at messages I had yet to respond to on my online profile. I know in retrospect I was not ready to move forward, but I was hurt and pissed which is not a good combination. At any rate, one particular profile caught my eye. He was handsome, interested in an LTR and had a nice sense of style which is always a bonus. So we started corresponding and eventually exchanged numbers. Here we go again.
He talked A LOT. I mean, A LOT. For those of you who know me know that I am a talker. But had the kind of mouth that you could get in the shower, wash your hair, make a sandwich and come back and he would still be in the midst of a story. He wasn't really interested in asking questions about me because I guess he felt he was more interesting, but I managed to get in a few words edgewise. So he asks me out, on his birthday no less (alleged birthday). I agree and we choose a time and location (close to my house=easy escape route).
It's a Tuesday night, but I always dress to impress so I had on one of my favorite dresses, cute but nothing revealing. I'm waiting at said location for him to come. As I am waiting, I see this dude walk by and I laughed to myself. 'Damn he's ashy' I thought. 'And he has a peanut head'. Tee hee, I'm pretty funny. So after waiting even more I call him. 'Where are you' I asked. 'I'm inside where are you'? Oh shit, peanut head. I began looking around as if I'm trying to find him, even though I could see him coming out of the door of the restaurant. OMG.
He was SO not what he looked like on his profile. And looks aren't everything but damn. During the date he kept alternating his glances from one boob to the other, kinda like a tennis match. We ordered a drink, some fru fru girly drink. He could barely drink it. How embarassing. So time moves on, blah blah blah. So finally the check comes. He gets up to avoid the check! 'I have to go the bathroom' he says. Wouldn't you do that after we get up to leave? What a fucking deadbeat. But in the end, the $16 bucks for the bill was more than payment enough to end this evening. He of course isn't surprised that the bill is settled. Seriously? Ok so he walks me to my car, and it just so happens he ended up parking in front of me. How lucky could I get. So at the end he gets really close and says, 'I want you to thank your mom. And your dad for me. Because you the most beautiful, supple, suckable lips. I couldn't help staring because ahh, they are just so beautiful! And I was trying to check them out through my glasses I figured you wouldn't be able to tell I was looking but I couldn't help it! Man they are just, ahh!'. No joke. Lips or boobs? I'm sure he was thinking both. Did he think that was going to be my cue to give him a kiss? You've got to be kidding me. I told him thanks and that I would let my mom know. 'Nah I was just playing, don't tell her'. Uh huh. We hugged and I said goodnight (aka have a nice life and don't call me again) and we parted ways. When I got home I called my mom. I'm not sure if she's stopped laughing yet, we enjoyed that one together.
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