Ok this is going to be a short one. For some reason this douche bag came into my mind the other day. Maybe it was something I saw on metro. At any rate, I met this dude sometime in the past year- I can't keep up with these winners anymore- online. We talked for a bit, I thought he was funny. Physically I wasn't gaga over him but for some people that can evolve.
It was a Saturday night and I had just gotten home from hanging with friends. So he asked me out. Cool. It was a lovely summer evening and I didn't want to be home anyway. I got dressed. Its a first date so I'm aiming to impress but not trying to be too flashy (that usually comes around the 3rd date when I want to make it clear that I am definitely interested). 'I'm outside', he calls from his cell phone. I go outside and in true gentleman fashion he doesn't get out of his car to meet me. Fine. I get in and we drive off.
I took him to one of my favorite spots but it was closed, so then he suggested Fridays. Ugh. As a general rule if a man suggests any of the following for a date in advance I will never talk to them again: Olive Garden (incidentally, that used to be the old name for today's winners before troll came to be), Applebees, Ruby Tuesdays, Friday's- you get the idea. Not ok. But since we were already on the way I didn't resist.
Anyhoo, we get to Fridays and we park and he gets out. Now, I didn't notice any of his ensemble while we were in the car, I felt weird to size him up in plain view because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. Drum roll please.... He's wearing shorts. Stone wash, draw string shorts, too- tight- in- some- places- too- big- in- others- shorts. He's also wearing sunglasses. Its 10:30p. And while the shorts were wretched enough, he was wearing a Bugs Bunny t-shirt with it. And before you ask, I did not go out with a 12 year old. That's what he was wearing. A 40 something year old man. I don't believe most men should wear shorts to begin with (or many women for that matter). But stone wash? Draw string? Crotch huggers? It was too much. Nevermind that one of the stories he told me was how he and his buddies used to steal from his work truck (he delivered beer for a living) and sold it under the table to liquor stores. He made quite a profit that way and was proud of it.
Strike 3 (one being the shorts and two being the t-shirt) and you're out.
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My mostest favoritest 'bad date' story happened at a fridays's. In the parking lot of friday's to be exact. I'm sittin' there after dinner thinking we're having conversation before we're going to go our separate ways (always bring ur own car!), lookin' out the window out at the sky. innocence personified. abruptly, the conversation changes and the dude says, "Hey. Look what you're doing to me." I look over, and the mother fucker has his semi-erect dick out his damn pants. Just about died.
ReplyDeleteTo this day, I wonder why guys are so eager to show off their shit - even if it is NOT impressive. Why do women not tell their men how they HONESTLY measure up?? Didn't want to end the evening w/o being fair to him, so I took a good long stare, slowly dragged my eyes insolently up to his, curled my upper lip in disgust, and told him, "What. in. the. world. do you think you're doing? Put it away. It's disgusting. and completely unimpressive" and left the car. haha.
Ahh...Fridays.